Meditations on His Patience and Kindness.

For the past week I have been scrubbing away at a pan impossibly stuck with the black residue of last weekend's charred tortillas. (I realized in the middle of heating them that oiling the pan would have been a good idea.) After the initial four-day soak and subsequent fruitless scrub, Google prompted me to use some baking soda, and I let it sit for another day. For a hot second I seriously considered buying another pan (and I don't buy things), and definitely hadn't ever put so much elbow grease into any cleaning endeavor in my life's history. On the final day - tonight - I did what was the equivalent of a Jillian Michael's 30-day shred concentrated into my right bicep and fingertips for five minutes, scrubbing the crap out of that pan. I felt joyous relief and celebration as the black spots finally began to very slowly fade away. It was almost like, HEAVENLY JOY, like a serious victory had just happened. Over a pan finally being cleaned? Yes.

I could write an additional paragraph just to make you feel the frustration, bewilderment, and then hope of this experience... I don't know why I'm so passionate about you getting this but I just need you to know, this was a thing.

Why am I telling you this? Well this is the part where the revelation came.

In that moment I felt the Presence of God come and blanket me. Not like a rushing mighty wind. But like the comforting voice of a Father next to your ear. Like the surprise embrace of your lover. Like the sweet voice of an old friend you miss. Overwhelming you with a love you didn't think you could feel - much less while cleaning your dishes.

I felt the Lord say, "This is what I have been doing in you for the past year, and what I will continue to do in your heart." In that moment I felt thankfulness run through my heart and fill my body. I imagined His patience in soaking me in His Presence and truth, scrubbing me with kindness rather than anger and frustration, joyfully bearing with me in my process with Him (which means a lot to me by the way).

If I'm honest, I'm not very patient with myself. I will listen to you for hours. I will hold your hand. You can tell me anything - you're safe with me. I will fight for you. But me? Deal with it, Autumn. Suck it up. You're so immature sometimes. You should have learned by now. I can't believe you are living this way again. WHAT! Let me tell you what the voice of the Lord DOESN'T sound like.

This morning I realized I have a long way to go. Today the motto I constructed in my head was, "If there's anything I know, it's that I don't know anything."

It's comforting that He is okay with that, and in fact doesn't expect it anyway.

So in my state of tension and learning and trusting, I believe more today than I ever have, that He is not only for me but with me, not reluctant but celebrating my victories. Because of the way His presence came as I scrubbed my pan, I know that He will not take a knife and scrape me, but will use His hands.



May you feel His kindness in your process. May it overwhelm you. May the dry places, the places lacking in understanding and wisdom, lacking in the knowledge of His deep love for you - may those places be streams and waterfalls and oceans and rivers. May your deserts and islands be flooded with the realization that He is slow to anger and rich in love toward YOU.

Ministry Update.

Hey! This is our support letter - you should check it out.

I'm currently raising support for my Bethel mission trip, missions class, and strengths coaching class. Click here to give online and support me in my last semester at UGA Wesley! (Just create an account and find my name.) To give specifically to my Bethel trip, click here.

Thank you for your support!

Resources for Dreaming, & Dreaming About Dreaming.

Part 1: Resources for Dreaming

In preparation for the coming year I have been filing through the cabinets of my brain, the pages of many books, and the nooks and crannies of the interwebs. If you are serious about acting on what the Lord has put on your heart and would like some more wisdom and direction, or if you want to know what this whole fluffy dreaming thing is really about, here are a few things that have given me the necessary kick in the pants:

If you are the visually-inspired type, check out my Dreaming board on Pinterest. I encourage you to make your own! My Dreaming board just puts me in the right place to ruminate on possibilities and think outside the box.

Some great titles (most of these, with reviews and ratings, are on my Dreaming shelf on Goodreads):

 

A Million Mile in a Thousand Years // I've always loved Donald Miller and I can relate to the way he thinks and writes. Don shares his memoir of how he started to change his life after realizing his life was boring. This is a great starter, an easy read, hilarious, touching, and will prod you to get off the couch.

(all images from Google images - hopefully this doesn't defile my journalism degree)

Dreaming With God // This is probably the best book I've read through so far about what dreaming with God looks like. If you want to learn more about the creative wisdom of God, read this. Bill provides context through stories from his life and from the patriarchs of our faith. It's all about partnering with God and revealing who He is to the earth through every sphere of influence.

Dream Culture // This book is the idea that really catalyzed the process of dream coaching for me. Dream Culture is a great book with activation exercises and questions to get you thinking about what you were made to do. It's easy to follow and immensely practical. Eric and I helped lead a trip to Bethel Church in California this past spring break with UGA Wesley and we met with one of the authors (Andy). He went through a couple of simple exercises with us - critical thinking and inner healing - that really got me started with what I'll be doing this year.

  

Face to Face with God and When Heaven Invades Earth // Again by Bill Johnson (I really respect him, so naturally anything he writes is extremely credible and edifying to me), these are about how experiencing the Lord personally and partnering with His purposes flow together. Face to Face with God is about hungering for His presence; When Heaven Invades Earth is more about living out what we are called to. There are a lot of similar themes between these two. The people at Bethel really practice what they preach and I LOVE learning from their community's experiences and beliefs about the nature of God.

  

Always Enough and Compelled By Love // If there's anyone who knows what it means to know and fulfill the desires of God's heart, it's Heidi Baker. This woman is living the Great Commission through the outflow of the first commandment. Always Enough chronicles the Bakers' experience of loving the poor and how the Lord has always provided for them. Compelled By Love goes through what the Beatitudes have looked like on a daily basis in their lives.

Books I have yet to read but are next in line

(or just seem interesting enough to recommend)

     

The Creative Habit and  The War of Art and Bird by Bird // These are next on my books-to-buy list. They all deal with making art a discipline (TCH), overcoming creative blocks (TWoA), and for all you aspiring writers out there, offering wisdom on how to write with a specific step-by-step guide (BbB). If you are a creative who wants to intentionally invest in your gifts, I have heard different writers and teachers recommend these ones over and over.

 

Put Your Dream to the Test // I just ordered this book and it's probably the one I'm most excited to read. It's an aspect of dreaming that I've been hungry for - refining my dreams. The 10 questions are questions of: ownership, clarity, reality, passion, pathway, people, cost, tenacity, fulfillment, and significance. I bought this one because John seems to really combine theory with practice, which I'm a huge fan of because I need balance.

The Dream Giver // This one is written in the style of a parable - "Ordinary leaves the Land of the Familiar to pursue his Big Dream." I bought this one because it sounds like everyone's life (including mine).

Heavy Rain // Like Face to Face and When Heaven Invades, this is another Bethel book centered around the theme of awakening the world. I've only read a few excerpts from this one but I LOVE how Kris Vallotton thinks and teaches. Kris also talks about how renewing the mind of the church (i.e. our thoughts about eschatology) will change how we live out the Good News.

Fiction to inspire you

The Alchemist // This one has been a bestseller for a while now. It's not a Christian book but is definitely the classic tale of man going after his dream. I love reading secular fiction that reminds me of the truth that eternity is written on everyone's heart.

Honestly, you can read anything. Every book has the imprint of the dreamer within (especially the current dystopia trend in today's literature - they are all about dreaming for a better world).

Do you have any recommendations for that dreaming part of us (especially fiction)?

//

Part 2: In which I dream about dreaming...

(art by Katie Daisy - this quote is my current inspiration for dreaming; the Lord is haunting me with this beautiful question)

When Clay and I first met recently to discuss what this year will look like, he asked me some helpful questions. One was, "How does this [dream coaching] tie in vocationally for you?" I told him that, sadly, I am not confident about a whole lot of things, but I am confident about dreaming and helping people dream. I told him that I didn't know exactly how it figured into my life (and will never be able to say that about most things, because things change, and that's okay).

The problem with our (or maybe just my) perspective on ministry.

Recently I realized a problem.

This past weekend I went to a wedding shower for my brother and prospective sister-in-law. As I was catching up with one of his long-time friends, he asked about what field I was working in nowadays.

"I'm not," I said, in an almost sarcastic tone, then faintly corrected myself: "Well, I work with a campus ministry during the year and do photography work in between."

Right when I said it I was immediately disappointed with my attitude. After a few years of trying to explain to other people what I do through Wesley, I have become subconsciously discouraged. Thinking about support raising and catching people up with what I've been doing for the last two years has developed a mindset in me where I feel I have to prove that what I do is real "work," that it is actually worthwhile. It's not because I don't believe in it, but because I think other people won't. My attitude toward raising support has been one of, "How can I communicate to people that I'm not trying to take advantage of their generosity? How can I describe my internship in such a way that they won't think I'm a lazy person trying to bum some money off of them (which is possible by the way)?"

An Update from the Mrs.

Well, there are lots of exciting things happening around here (no, we're not pregnant)!

Here are a few:

-I am in the process of putting together a professional photography blogsite. I can't wait for this next step in my sweet dream!

-Eric is now working full-time with the Geek Squad and is also assisting a financial consultant in a small home-based firm.

-Did I mention Eric can do anything? He is finishing our pantry-turned-bathroom - plumbing, electrical, drywall, all of that fun stuff. He refuses to pay someone else to do what he can learn to do himself and that's something I really, really love about him. He is a natural problem-solver.

-Next year, for the last year of my internship at UGA Wesley, I will be assisting associate director Clay Kirkland with the second year interns. I seriously can't wait to encourage these amazing interns as a "dream coach." As the year starts I am going to be much more active tying into this blog what I am teaching - which means, consider yourself personally invited to partake in the dream coaching!

I feel deeply honored to assist Clay in this upcoming year. He is incredibly resourceful, creative, and empowering. I have so much to learn from him and the leadership process and I can't wait to share it with you all!

//

What the vision of each year of the internship is like:

First year: focus on inner healing; knowing God and knowing ourselves so that we can better fulfill our callings

Second year: focus on leadership by understanding our unique strengths and passions and stepping out in confidence

Third year: focus on stepping out in our individual strengths by investing in a specific focus within the ministry

//

I know that this next year will be a year of truly dreaming with the Lord (dream = a desire of the heart). A certain Dumbledore quote has come to my mind often in the dreaming process - "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." I passionately want to dream AND live. I want to be a faithful steward of HIS dreams. His dreams are the dreams I want to dream.

What are the desires of your heart? Hopefully you will stick around once the dream updates start rollin'. I think you will enjoy them and will learn how to search both your own heart and His.

Love,

Autumn

Closer.

Been playing this song on repeat for a few days now. Perfect for where my heart is, and for where our ministry is.

Family.

Today a Brazilian evangelist (this is already a great story) came with his team and ministered to our staff. He called people to the front for prayer if they were unsure about their future. I stayed in my place but Eric and maybe 15-20 others knelt at the stage steps. As the rest of us prayed for the Holy Spirit to move as he pleased and speak life and destiny over our staff family, we watched as the man prophesied over each one. As he called forth the things in God's heart for them, we fought for them. We said "Yes Lord!" and we spoke powerful words over them. We were unafraid for our voices to be heard as we stood and prayed for each other. In those moments of weakness we were not embarrassed to call each other family.

Whether or not you have been involved in a church body, I want you to know that this is what it's supposed to look like. In this moment we were admitting before each other and before God that we weren't where we wanted to be and calling forth the heaven that was established in each other before we were even born. With power and authority we stood before God and said, "This one has purpose. Heal him. Release him to love. Anoint him to go forth in power and authority. This one's life is marked."

I know that the body of Wesley isn't perfect. Trust me, it's not hard to see what we struggle with. But if you want to take anything from what the Lord is doing us, it's that the body needs to fight for the Lord's glory to be called forth from each other, no matter how scary it is.

I know that it is safe to put on a mask. It is safe to feign perfection before the ones we love. I've done both. But we will gain nothing and the kingdom of God will not advance this way! I know it's easy to sit in a church pew and hide for your life. Good luck with that. I invite you to come before the Lord naked and unashamed, realizing that He is a Father taking you by the hand and leading you into dreams of eternal worth.

So I have a choice. You have a choice. We can be afraid and hide or we can trust Him. I know that this is what He is asking of me. It's the difference between nothing and everything.

The truth about you and me.

Here are some truths I am fighting for. Feel free to believe with me and receive these truths for yourself and those you love.


I have a voice, in Jesus' name.

I have reasons to hope, in Jesus' name.

I am not the ultimate protector or fighter - You are.

My name means fruitful.

Nobody can take away who I am or who You are.

I am GOOD. I have nothing to hide. All of You covers all of me.

I was made to be me and no one else.

My worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with what I do or what role I occupy.

My destiny and identity are so rooted in You that they cannot be stolen.

There is nothing to be gained by being hopeless.

I can expect much of You.

You have the best for me. There's enough "best" to go around.

I have the choice: to believe what You have said or to be afraid.

I am not alone.


And what You think is what really matters. Nobody determines truth - You are the truth.

Breakthrough.

The testimonies never end.

We were singing “I Cannot Hide My Love” and something just broke in the room – something was unleashed. Your Spirit just fell. You walked into the room. I felt like heaven opened over me. I felt not only your love and delight in me, but I felt it for You. I know that this is what I have been asking for. You are transforming me.

Only a few weeks ago, God completely surprised me. Up until our last staff prayer meeting of the semester (7 Dec 2011), I had been praying for three things:

1. Do what only You can do.
2. Deliver me.
3. Show me Your delight again.

At the beginning of the semester I allowed the Lord to search my heart, and what I discovered was that there was a depth of His love that I had forgotten. To condense a many-months-long story that is full of beauty for ashes… the Lord responded very directly to those three prayers. It was a process, but I can say with confidence that a wall was destroyed that morning! And it was all because of Him. I didn’t pray or worship any differently that morning than I normally did; His presence just came, and that was enough. This wasn’t years ago; this was only weeks ago. He is always at work. It is His nature to be faithful.

Something that used to grace the front of the UGA Wesley Foundation bulletin every week was this simple phrase: “We gather each week because we believe that Jesus is real, He loves you, and He will save, help and even heal all who call out to Him.” I desperately believe this. Why? Because all of it has happened to me. And most of it has happened to me here in Athens.

This is why we're here. Everyone we work with at Wesley is giving at least a year of their lives to see Him do what only He can do, living as the Church doing what only She can do - partnering with Him as He rains His love down on the city. I don't know any former staff member who has walked away believing it was a waste of time. If anything, it has been the most abundant two years of my life, and I don't plan on looking back.

Awakening.

Yesterday at dinner Bob said something that has been running through my head over and over and over.

"He is awakening our hearts to Him."

Our last day on staff (about a month ago), and then continuing this past week, something has been blooming in me, waking up, getting a glimpse of "Christ in me the hope of glory." It's like a woman who has been receiving letters from her love for years and then out of the corner of her eye sees his face in the window or hears his boots on the wood floor behind her or feels the weight of his shadow coming over her shoulder. That moment right before you turn around, screaming and whispering at the same time, "This is it. This is it. This is it."

This is it. It has always been it. Now has always been the time.

Now I believe it. I feel it. Now is the time to dream. To be fearless. Now is the time of favor and salvation. Our world waits.


Our Beloved waits.

Answers.

Psalm 30.


¹ I will extol You, O LORD, for You have lifted me up,
         And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
 ² O LORD my God, I cried out to You,
         And You healed me.
 ³ O LORD, You brought my soul up from the grave;
         You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
         
 ⁴ Sing praise to the LORD, you saints of His,
         And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
 ⁵ For His anger is but for a moment,
         His favor is for life; 
         Weeping may endure for a night, 
         But joy comes in the morning. 
         
 ⁶ Now in my prosperity I said,
         “I shall never be moved.”
 ⁷ LORD, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
         You hid Your face, and I was troubled. 
         
 ⁸ I cried out to You, O LORD;
         And to the LORD I made supplication:
 ⁹ “What profit is there in my blood,
         When I go down to the pit? 
         Will the dust praise You? 
         Will it declare Your truth?
 ¹⁰ Hear, O LORD, and have mercy on me;
         LORD, be my helper!” 
         
 ¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
         You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
 ¹² To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
         O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.


Life update to come soon.

Worthy.

You are the pearl of great price.

You are our reward.

You are worthy of all praise, all renown, all attention.

You are not just beautiful - but all beauty flows from you. Your nature is beauty.

Your delight is worth all our labors, our time, our thoughts, and our intentions.

You are the only pure and holy and righteous and true.

You are humble and have given all of yourself.

You are the faithful one.

You are the one we have been looking for.

You are worthy of the hidden things.

Your goodness and nature are so vast that we will spend eternity searching you out - and You are worthy of that too.

You are the only one worthy of eternity.

You are trustworthy - and so submission is a gift to us.

The joy of knowing you and seeing Your kingdom come is worth all the pain of getting there.

Update & Wedding - Clair & Jeremy.

Hello friends. Once again, our bloggy blog has been neglected. I've been in the process of developing branding for my new photo website, so I don't feel too bad. I am hoping to launch said new blog by the end of the summer/early fall. Something to be very excited about! New horizons and adventures.

Last month I had the privilege of photographing Clair & Jeremy's wedding. They were so sweet and their wedding day was full of joy and peace... I left feeling so blessed. Their families were so kind and hospitable. Clair decided on an all-white wedding - they wanted their wedding to exude purity and holiness, and it did. All the white details were just gorgeous. I loved how laid-back and gentle this couple was. Another thing I loved about this wedding was the flower girl, Clair's cousin. She has Down's syndrome and was totally the life of the party (something I can relate to - my brother has Down's syndrome as well, and also a charmer).

So without further ado...

Yes ladies, her dress had pockets...

Cheers to love!

Love lavished,

Autumn

Natalie & Tyler.

Hey friends. It's been a while.

My head has been swimming back and forth between orchestrating projects, packing boxes, and dreaming with Jesus. This season is full of grace and I can feel it. I feel that this is a time of transformation, a time to rest in His completed work and be continually beautified by the One who is drenched in love.

The husband dearest and I have been on our toes for the past few weeks. We are now (TADA!) moved into a house! Homeowners. Wow. We are amazed at the fact that we could even make such an investment. We have lots of space and, not to mention, some really adorable neighbors--the neighborhood kids who ride around on their bikes and frolic in the streets (I'm already in love... seriously).

Nevertheless. I've been working on many projects. This past week I had the absolute delight of photographing two friends and fellow Wesley interns, Natalie and Tyler, for their engagement photos. They were probably the easiest people I've ever had to photograph--they love each other and are at ease in front of the camera. I didn't have to say much... they pretty much acted like I wasn't even there. Which is perfect. I was a fly on the wall. And let's not forget, they are BEAUTIFUL. Their personalities and pretty eyes shine through in each photograph.

Natalie and Tyler are some of the most passionate people I know--not to mention, the most creative. Natalie is crafting pretty much their whole wedding, and she is a machine when it comes to making things (i.e. the bow in her hair--check her out on Etsy). Tyler is an amazing artist with so much depth. They are pursuers of justice and compassion. And I love that about them.

Here are a few shots from our time together.

I know, right?

Love,

Autumn

Show me Your glory.

This is my top song pick right now. "I long to look on the face of the One that I love." Our hearts long for that. That is the place of ultimate satisfaction: looking on the face of the One we love. The One who loves.

Jesus is so kind. Not nice, but kind. Gentle. In other words: He is good. I mean it. He's good.

Today I had the choice to be offended by God. But something I now know is that, when we allow ourselves to be offended by Him, we are keeping ourselves from blessing. Because Jesus said, "Blessed is he who is not offended by Me." When His light conflicts with our darkness... it offends us. But it's because He loves us.

I just started going through Revelation with my girls, and in the first five chapters alone I have learned so much about the Lord. The truth of who He is is shaking me. When Jesus tells John what to write to the seven churches, it is one of the most beautiful things. Jesus is saying, "Tell my Bride this: That I see her perseverance, her faith, and her desire for truth. But tell her that I am jealous for her, that I hate her compromise and her immorality, her deadness and apathy. Tell her that if she overcomes, she will reign with Me for eternity. Tell her that if she overcomes, I will give her a new name; I will give her glowing white garments. Tell her that if she overcomes, I will spend eternity telling her story of love to the Father." He is essentially telling John to write zealous love letters to His Church. When you read Revelation and put yourself in the event of John's encounter, it's impossible not to feel the drama of His love as He speaks.

Jesus didn't care about pleasing everyone around Him, but He did care about loving them. Today the Lord spoke something to me that I almost chose to be offended by... but I decided to choose Him instead. Honestly, that's a big step for me. And I'm glad I trusted Him. If I'm learning anything, it's that He's trustworthy. We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weakness--Jesus knows us, sees us, and is not offended by our mess.

Transformation is happening.

For several weeks I have been contemplating Moses' face-to-face encounters with God, how when he came back down Mt. Sinai he was glowing because he had beheld the very face of the Lord. How the Lord talked to him as a friend. I feel God speaking this over me and releasing me into divine friendship with Him as I lay myself down before Him.

Recently I've realized how much we over-spiritualize things with Him. We assume that it must be very complicated to behold Him, to fix our eyes on Him. With our complicated theologies and hypotheses we put layer upon layer of obstacles between Him and ourselves. The Lord is tearing this down for me.

This past Thursday a local evangelist (whatever you want to call him) came to our staff meeting. He spoke and prayed for us. I felt things begin to shake in me and in the Body as we prayed very daring and worthy (and eccentric) prayers. I felt myself begin to loosen my grip on anxious feelings about appearance and what people thought of me. I felt myself letting go and abandoning myself to the One who is worthy. If I had cared about what people thought in those moments (or even more so, what I thought!), I would have been very embarrassed. I was a fool in His arms. I was experiencing the joy and intimacy that comes with laying down intense self-awareness and trading it for Heavenly-Father-awareness.

So that was my glimpse of freedom. I tasted and I saw, and now I can't help but go after Him more. I know a lot of times we seek encounters with God, and our motives may or may not be pure. Something my discipler said two years ago that still resonates within me: "If you're going to go down, come up changed." Encounters for the sake of encounters will not transform us. But encounters for the sake of knowing Him will.

Update: Six Months.

Well, it's been six months since our wedding day.

We are really excited about that; marriage is only increasing in beauty and awesomeness for us. We have learned so much about ourselves and (naturally) each other. I know both of us can say that we love each other even more today than we did on July 24. All I know is, I'm glad he's still my boyfriend and fellow nerd.

The past months have been incredibly full for us--and I mean that twofold; we have been up to so much, and we have been eagerly tasting the abundant life.

I am honestly amazed. The Lord is turning my heart upside down, and I'm not alone. It's happening to this whole city. The Bride in Athens is flourishing as she encounters the Father's heart. I haven't seen anything like it before. The past couple months alone have been marked by beholding the beauty of God and being completely transformed by it. We are learning that changing the world isn't about trying to correct human behavior; it's about the transformation that comes from being face-to-face with God and experiencing His character, His personality. So that's what we do. We lead people into that face-to-face moment. We speak His truth, His thoughts, and His feelings.

A couple of weeks ago I was leading a prophetic room with two other interns (husband included). This one girl came in and I'll never forget it, because you could just see her brokenness and, consequently, her deep longing to be affirmed. So we began to hear the Lord's heart for her and it was incredible. We could have told her, "Stop messing up," or "You know what you're doing is wrong," but that was not the fullness of the Father's heart. The fullness of His heart was that He had revolutionary hope for her and an extraordinary romance that nothing else could possibly provide. We began to speak Song of Songs over her, that even in her darkness God calls her lovely and beautiful, that he draws her with gentle cords. We began to speak that God wasn't okay with what had happened to her in the past, with the ways people had hurt her. We began to speak dreams over her, that she would receive back the things that had been taken from her. It was beautiful; and it was all true. Hope was all over her. I watched this beautiful girl begin to unfold. At first she would barely lift her head or look us in the eye. By the end of it she was less afraid.

I know it was only the beginning, but in those moments I realized our power as believers. That light IS more powerful than darkness, and it doesn't need to raise its voice to be heard. Jesus did not need to be loud (Isaiah 42:2 - "He will not cry out or raise His voice, nor make His voice heard in the street").

And that's just a glimpse. I am touching the surface of Love. And once you touch the surface you are enthralled.

With each lovesick gaze we are unleashed.

And honestly, it is incredible to me that when we turn toward Him and listen and lay ourselves down before Him... we begin to hear His thoughts and feel His emotions. Excuse the punctuation... but seriously now?!?!?!!? This actually happens, every day.

I am convinced that without knowing Him, there is no way to truly live. And that is a truth I'd lay my life down for.

Other logistical things:

• Eric & I are contemplating what next year will look like for us. I'm planning on coming back to Wesley for a second year; Eric will probably be full-time at Best Buy, and he's pondering his place at Wesley for next year.
• I've booked two weddings (exciting!).
• As soon as I come up with a name, the photography thing is a go.
• I will experience my first time in the hospital delivery room (and with a camera) in less than two months with the Kirklands.
• We have some other dreams up our sleeve. More to come.

Abba.

Abba... we belong to you. You are the only one I want to belong to. I love the way you wrap your arms around me. I love the way you love me. I love that the only thing that can transform me is you who are love. Captivate my life for this one thing, for love himself, the man Jesus. I am your sweet perfume spilled out to this broken world.

Words.

remember the day when you woke up my soul
pulled back the sheet and untied the rope
cut my sheet into a dress
unashamed of my nakedness



ha. you sing all the right songs and say all the right words, the ones my heart needs, the desert places. all the things i loved you made them for us. your hand salve on my wet face my bloody chest a heart escaping running away i won't let you leave. scraping past all the people blank faces say that you see me say that you see me THAT IS MY NAME. change my lungs. so as not to be offended please come. breathe with me as one, move me and crowd me with your jealous wind of love. help me love you more than the pain. make the joy deeper than the pain. take away my map so i can lose myself in you. caused to waste my life on your eternal embrace or settle for the least.

turn my eyes from usefulness and back to the beauty of being with you. that i am meant to be seen and not to be burned. gently when you tear open all the things that have been bandaged with paper. dissolve me with your kisses. lead me back to the house where i lived. lead me back.

Destiny.

Do what you were made to do. Jesus has been dropping you hints.