The problem with our (or maybe just my) perspective on ministry.

Recently I realized a problem.

This past weekend I went to a wedding shower for my brother and prospective sister-in-law. As I was catching up with one of his long-time friends, he asked about what field I was working in nowadays.

"I'm not," I said, in an almost sarcastic tone, then faintly corrected myself: "Well, I work with a campus ministry during the year and do photography work in between."

Right when I said it I was immediately disappointed with my attitude. After a few years of trying to explain to other people what I do through Wesley, I have become subconsciously discouraged. Thinking about support raising and catching people up with what I've been doing for the last two years has developed a mindset in me where I feel I have to prove that what I do is real "work," that it is actually worthwhile. It's not because I don't believe in it, but because I think other people won't. My attitude toward raising support has been one of, "How can I communicate to people that I'm not trying to take advantage of their generosity? How can I describe my internship in such a way that they won't think I'm a lazy person trying to bum some money off of them (which is possible by the way)?"

An Update from the Mrs.

Well, there are lots of exciting things happening around here (no, we're not pregnant)!

Here are a few:

-I am in the process of putting together a professional photography blogsite. I can't wait for this next step in my sweet dream!

-Eric is now working full-time with the Geek Squad and is also assisting a financial consultant in a small home-based firm.

-Did I mention Eric can do anything? He is finishing our pantry-turned-bathroom - plumbing, electrical, drywall, all of that fun stuff. He refuses to pay someone else to do what he can learn to do himself and that's something I really, really love about him. He is a natural problem-solver.

-Next year, for the last year of my internship at UGA Wesley, I will be assisting associate director Clay Kirkland with the second year interns. I seriously can't wait to encourage these amazing interns as a "dream coach." As the year starts I am going to be much more active tying into this blog what I am teaching - which means, consider yourself personally invited to partake in the dream coaching!

I feel deeply honored to assist Clay in this upcoming year. He is incredibly resourceful, creative, and empowering. I have so much to learn from him and the leadership process and I can't wait to share it with you all!

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What the vision of each year of the internship is like:

First year: focus on inner healing; knowing God and knowing ourselves so that we can better fulfill our callings

Second year: focus on leadership by understanding our unique strengths and passions and stepping out in confidence

Third year: focus on stepping out in our individual strengths by investing in a specific focus within the ministry

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I know that this next year will be a year of truly dreaming with the Lord (dream = a desire of the heart). A certain Dumbledore quote has come to my mind often in the dreaming process - "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." I passionately want to dream AND live. I want to be a faithful steward of HIS dreams. His dreams are the dreams I want to dream.

What are the desires of your heart? Hopefully you will stick around once the dream updates start rollin'. I think you will enjoy them and will learn how to search both your own heart and His.

Love,

Autumn

Closer.

Been playing this song on repeat for a few days now. Perfect for where my heart is, and for where our ministry is.

Family.

Today a Brazilian evangelist (this is already a great story) came with his team and ministered to our staff. He called people to the front for prayer if they were unsure about their future. I stayed in my place but Eric and maybe 15-20 others knelt at the stage steps. As the rest of us prayed for the Holy Spirit to move as he pleased and speak life and destiny over our staff family, we watched as the man prophesied over each one. As he called forth the things in God's heart for them, we fought for them. We said "Yes Lord!" and we spoke powerful words over them. We were unafraid for our voices to be heard as we stood and prayed for each other. In those moments of weakness we were not embarrassed to call each other family.

Whether or not you have been involved in a church body, I want you to know that this is what it's supposed to look like. In this moment we were admitting before each other and before God that we weren't where we wanted to be and calling forth the heaven that was established in each other before we were even born. With power and authority we stood before God and said, "This one has purpose. Heal him. Release him to love. Anoint him to go forth in power and authority. This one's life is marked."

I know that the body of Wesley isn't perfect. Trust me, it's not hard to see what we struggle with. But if you want to take anything from what the Lord is doing us, it's that the body needs to fight for the Lord's glory to be called forth from each other, no matter how scary it is.

I know that it is safe to put on a mask. It is safe to feign perfection before the ones we love. I've done both. But we will gain nothing and the kingdom of God will not advance this way! I know it's easy to sit in a church pew and hide for your life. Good luck with that. I invite you to come before the Lord naked and unashamed, realizing that He is a Father taking you by the hand and leading you into dreams of eternal worth.

So I have a choice. You have a choice. We can be afraid and hide or we can trust Him. I know that this is what He is asking of me. It's the difference between nothing and everything.

The truth about you and me.

Here are some truths I am fighting for. Feel free to believe with me and receive these truths for yourself and those you love.


I have a voice, in Jesus' name.

I have reasons to hope, in Jesus' name.

I am not the ultimate protector or fighter - You are.

My name means fruitful.

Nobody can take away who I am or who You are.

I am GOOD. I have nothing to hide. All of You covers all of me.

I was made to be me and no one else.

My worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with what I do or what role I occupy.

My destiny and identity are so rooted in You that they cannot be stolen.

There is nothing to be gained by being hopeless.

I can expect much of You.

You have the best for me. There's enough "best" to go around.

I have the choice: to believe what You have said or to be afraid.

I am not alone.


And what You think is what really matters. Nobody determines truth - You are the truth.

Breakthrough.

The testimonies never end.

We were singing “I Cannot Hide My Love” and something just broke in the room – something was unleashed. Your Spirit just fell. You walked into the room. I felt like heaven opened over me. I felt not only your love and delight in me, but I felt it for You. I know that this is what I have been asking for. You are transforming me.

Only a few weeks ago, God completely surprised me. Up until our last staff prayer meeting of the semester (7 Dec 2011), I had been praying for three things:

1. Do what only You can do.
2. Deliver me.
3. Show me Your delight again.

At the beginning of the semester I allowed the Lord to search my heart, and what I discovered was that there was a depth of His love that I had forgotten. To condense a many-months-long story that is full of beauty for ashes… the Lord responded very directly to those three prayers. It was a process, but I can say with confidence that a wall was destroyed that morning! And it was all because of Him. I didn’t pray or worship any differently that morning than I normally did; His presence just came, and that was enough. This wasn’t years ago; this was only weeks ago. He is always at work. It is His nature to be faithful.

Something that used to grace the front of the UGA Wesley Foundation bulletin every week was this simple phrase: “We gather each week because we believe that Jesus is real, He loves you, and He will save, help and even heal all who call out to Him.” I desperately believe this. Why? Because all of it has happened to me. And most of it has happened to me here in Athens.

This is why we're here. Everyone we work with at Wesley is giving at least a year of their lives to see Him do what only He can do, living as the Church doing what only She can do - partnering with Him as He rains His love down on the city. I don't know any former staff member who has walked away believing it was a waste of time. If anything, it has been the most abundant two years of my life, and I don't plan on looking back.

Awakening.

Yesterday at dinner Bob said something that has been running through my head over and over and over.

"He is awakening our hearts to Him."

Our last day on staff (about a month ago), and then continuing this past week, something has been blooming in me, waking up, getting a glimpse of "Christ in me the hope of glory." It's like a woman who has been receiving letters from her love for years and then out of the corner of her eye sees his face in the window or hears his boots on the wood floor behind her or feels the weight of his shadow coming over her shoulder. That moment right before you turn around, screaming and whispering at the same time, "This is it. This is it. This is it."

This is it. It has always been it. Now has always been the time.

Now I believe it. I feel it. Now is the time to dream. To be fearless. Now is the time of favor and salvation. Our world waits.


Our Beloved waits.