This past weekend I went to a wedding shower for my brother and prospective sister-in-law. As I was catching up with one of his long-time friends, he asked about what field I was working in nowadays.
"I'm not," I said, in an almost sarcastic tone, then faintly corrected myself: "Well, I work with a campus ministry during the year and do photography work in between."
Right when I said it I was immediately disappointed with my attitude. After a few years of trying to explain to other people what I do through Wesley, I have become subconsciously discouraged. Thinking about support raising and catching people up with what I've been doing for the last two years has developed a mindset in me where I feel I have to prove that what I do is real "work," that it is actually worthwhile. It's not because I don't believe in it, but because I think other people won't. My attitude toward raising support has been one of, "How can I communicate to people that I'm not trying to take advantage of their generosity? How can I describe my internship in such a way that they won't think I'm a lazy person trying to bum some money off of them (which is possible by the way)?"
Ministry (for the purpose of this post I'm defining it as being involved with a ministry entity - I know life is ministry, but here I'm referring to working with an actual organization) is a funny thing sometimes. At any given moment you're a counselor, event planner, designer, janitor, teacher, financial consultant... you get the picture (something I genuinely love about working at Wesley - you have the opportunity to dabble). It's a school of life. Sometimes my "job" means hanging out with students, and that sounds less than arduous, but I know that it could be the difference between falling between the cracks and experiencing true community for that student. I know that because, when I was a student, it made the difference for me. I didn't need a testimony to convince me to work as an intern; my life has been the testimony of how the Lord has used this place.
So back to the problem. Paid or not, ministry is a real job. It may not fall into the traditional definition of work, and if you ask any intern they will probably agree that it's so much more than a job - obviously we aren't in it for the money (because there is none, and who likes to ask for it?) - but at the end of the day, when I come home I am tired. At the end of the day I am tired and I know that I have given something that is worth something to Jesus, maybe even just a fraction worthy of Him. And that is worth explaining.
We can't wait for others to affirm what we know we are supposed to do. We have to believe in it ourselves. Nobody can believe for us. If we receive criticism about the legitimacy of what we do, we can't let it stop us. We have to understand that it doesn't make complete sense, but we are doing it because we know He is worth it. If we are discouraged for doing something nontraditional, for feeling misunderstood at times, it's no one's fault but our own. We can't let our supporters or "haters" be our motivation* - it has to be the Lord, morning to night, waking to sleeping. At this point I'm talking about way more than ministry. I'm talking about following Him.
So after my poor attempts of explaining to people what I do, here is my redemptive effort at explaining it again: I am an intern at the Wesley Foundation. I help people dream. I teach them who God is and who they are, all while learning it myself. I pray. My job isn't better than yours but it is what I am called to at this moment, and I fully believe in it.
I know that what I am doing here will echo into eternity. I know that once I leave Wesley I will struggle to find purpose in vocations that are less obvious forms of ministry (now the more general definition). BUT. I will savor what I'm doing today, and take everything I'm learning with me to the next place We go.
Be encouraged. When our lives are over, we will be held accountable for what we did with the dreams He gave us. We won't be able to dream or do ministry in Heaven like we were able to do on earth, because this place is the one with the unfulfilled needs. So do the world (and Jesus, and yourself) a favor - believe in what you do.
(Thank you for heeding my moment of passion.)
Love,
Autumn
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*I don't really have haters. I think I wrote this sentence somewhat out of spite to confront the attitude in our culture of "doing things for the haters." I think that attitude is unfortunate and full of entitlement. Please forgive me for my unnecessary and slightly ironic pop culture soapbox.
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